Hey Guys, It’s been a long time and i’ve been going through a lot. I wanted to highlight mental health as someone who battles anxiety and overthinking everyday it’s very important that we take care of ourselves and let others know they arent alone.We are all fighting life’s problems like either a war or like that one person down the street who jus keeps annoying us to no end. however we choose to fight what life throws at us the key is the never give up and look at the positives no matter how the negatives look. No one said it would be easy right ?
I Lost my Mother a while back and it changed me forever, she left me suddenly without a word. I watched death take her and couldn’t do anything. To watch a woman who moved mountains for her children, suddenly couldnt move a finger due to illness was heart breaking and it crushed me. It started me down a path i didnt want to go, like taking that one shortcut you know is sketchy looking but you go anyway. But my mother was a God fearing woman and so am i, so i stuck to prayer, God and hope. I learned alot throughout the grief process and even more after it. Life without mom really puts things into perspective, I blamed myself for not being able to help her, hated myself even though i knew i did everything a good daughter should. I coped by spending time with family and friends or playing video games, it helped me move forward with a healthy mind and a fresh look on life. Until i watched everything crumble with one mistake, I have no kind of luck in dating and the mental scars were already there but with life feeling like it had finally turned around i gave myself another chance and it broke and shattered me. Another repeat of a past bad relationship, putting my heart, mind and being out one more time hoping it turned out right but no, just more failure, more pain, more physical and mental stress to the point where i couldn’t look at myself in the mirror, nothing made sense anymore, i couldn’t look at life the same way. The bright positive thinking girl was gone and i’m left fighting myself, fighting my bechets syndrome, fighting my own mind. My mind is always going, i overthink everything and it’s hard. I am currently exploring ways to cope with my anxiety, overthinking and stress; as i learned that these trigger my bechets syndrome.
I named this the Self Love Project because self love, healing, repairing yourself all takes time and it isn’t an easy path when your mind is still fighting to heal and balance itself. The first time i really looked at myself in the mirror and spoke positive to myself, it didn’t feel like i did much, it felt empty but i’m not stopping. I am on a journey not just through my medical condition and its challenges but all my new mental battles and their challenges as well. I realized somewhere in my mind that i was still important to someone and i had someone that needed me in their life. I couldnt let myself get consumed by the pain and darkness of my own thoughts, At first i wanted to get my old self back but then i discovered you can never get that version of you back, you can only create a better version of who you are now. I am on a journey to love myself again, be able to look at myself in a mirror and feel good again, to be a better version of myself. I want to look at old photos and feel happy not sad, not to miss the old me but be happy i was able to become this beatiful version in 2026. It is important to love oneself as this affects many aspects of ones life, whether we notice or not, don’t be afraid to reach out to someone you trust, whether its family, friend or church asking for help is not weakness, its strength.
This is where i have been all this time, but i am back and i can’t wait to do another game blogg. I have so much in store.
J's Journey 